Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in rainsong's LiveJournal:

Friday, September 22nd, 2000
11:37 pm	An airbag saved my life So... whats new??? Well, not much, not much. Wow, these sure are the seasons of emotion. And like the wind they rise and fall. There really aren't enough words to describe how tempromental (sp?) the spirit, mind, soul of the standard human is, like I just constantly am trying to catch my breath after narrowly have beating the system yet again. Why do I feel as if I am constantly being tested? Probably because I am. I was abducted by aliens and am now being studied in every way, examined, pressed and poked and prodded to see if I can give the response the aliens want to see. Well, at least, thats what it FEELS like sometimes. I wonder if that APC song "Thomas" was written about Thomas Hobbes? Maynard could be singing "Show me the way to forgive you" because Thomas Hobbes's theories made Maynard so bitter and cynical that it impeded his ablity to connect and communicate with other human beings. I don't know, just a thought. I read something really interesting by Thom Yorke the other night, while surfing the abundance of Radiohead sites on the net. I think I will copy paste the exact quote, because it made me feel soooo good to read what he had been thinking was the same as me, except where I lack the abilty to put these feelings into words, Thom absolutely fucking nailed it. "Whenever I meet a beauty, I escape or hide in a corner. Not that I think they are intimidating, but they attract horrible people. Some guys really do their utmost to make these beautiful women believe how good they are. Beauty means power. And I'm a bit cynical towards all that. Honestly I've never met a beautiful girl that I really liked. You never get the chance to really get to know them. Result : I don't even take the effort now to try to meet them". I agree so completely, and this is nothing against females who are beautiful, I mean I don't want to stereotype because I am sure that there are a couple of them that are nice, but it seems to be part of the human condition that power corrupts and makes bad. There are countless examples of this, look at politicians, world leaders. Some of my favorite bands, I have met some of the guys in them and they are total 100% assholes, because they have lived so much of their life with people kissing up to them and trying to make them believe that they are really, special, exceptional people, who have the right to treat others poorly. The same is true of these "beauties" that Yorke speaks of. They attract such horrible, horrible people, men who want to use them and have their bodies but nothing more. These men go to such lengths to get these women into bed, they convince them that they are such fantastic souls, that the women would believe it and start thinking that she is above others. It gives her a sense of superiority, knowing there are all these men that want to sleep with her, it gives her power. And power corrupts, makes the soul bad, makes the mind think it has a right to treat others poorly. The result is that so many of these really exceptionally beautiful women are just, plain, horrible people. SO, to any guys who are reading this: don't lie to women and make them belive they are something they are not just to get them into bed, you are distorting their mind and corrupting their personality. And if you meet one of these already corrupted beauties, don't bother. You will be much happier and ten times less frustrated if you try to befriend a woman, or man for that matter, who isn't corrupted, who is just basically a decent human being. Well, thats the way I think of it anyway. Current Mood: cynical Current Music: Radiohead - "Subterranean Homesick Alien" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
9:55 pm	An airbag saved my life So... whats new??? Well, not much, not much. Wow, these sure are the seasons of emotion. And like the wind they rise and fall. There really aren't enough words to describe how tempromental (sp?) the spirit, mind, soul of the standard human is, like I just constantly am trying to catch my breath after narrowly have beating the system yet again. Why do I feel as if I am constantly being tested? Probably because I am. I was abducted by aliens and am now being studied in every way, examined, pressed and poked and prodded to see if I can give the response the aliens want to see. Well, at least, thats what it FEELS like sometimes. I wonder if that APC song "Thomas" was written about Thomas Hobbes? Maynard could be singing "Show me the way to forgive you" because Thomas Hobbes's theories made Maynard so bitter and cynical that it impeded his ablity to connect and communicate with other human beings. I don't know, just a thought. I read something really interesting by Thom Yorke the other night, while surfing the abundance of Radiohead sites on the net. I think I will copy paste the exact quote, because it made me feel soooo good to read what he had been thinking was the same as me, except where I lack the abilty to put these feelings into words, Thom absolutely fucking nailed it. "Whenever I meet a beauty, I escape or hide in a corner. Not that I think they are intimidating, but they attract horrible people. Some guys really do their utmost to make these beautiful women believe how good they are. Beauty means power. And I'm a bit cynical towards all that. Honestly I've never met a beautiful girl that I really liked. You never get the chance to really get to know them. Result : I don't even take the effort now to try to meet them". I agree so completely, and this is nothing against females who are beautiful, I mean I don't want to stereotype because I am sure that there are a couple of them that are nice, but it seems to be part of the human condition that power corrupts and makes bad. There are countless examples of this, look at politicians, world leaders. Some of my favorite bands, I have met some of the guys in them and they are total 100% assholes, because they have lived so much of their life with people kissing up to them and trying to make them believe that they are really, special, exceptional people, who have the right to treat others poorly. The same is true of these "beauties" that Yorke speaks of. They attract such horrible, horrible people, men who want to use them and have their bodies but nothing more. These men go to such lengths to get these women into bed, they convince them that they are such fantastic souls, that the women would believe it and start thinking that she is above others. It gives her a sense of superiority, knowing there are all these men that want to sleep with her, it gives her power. And power corrupts, makes the soul bad, makes the mind think it has a right to treat others poorly. The result is that so many of these really exceptionally beautiful women are just, plain, horrible people. SO, to any guys who are reading this: don't lie to women and make them belive they are something they are not just to get them into bed, you are distorting their mind and corrupting their personality. And if you meet one of these already corrupted beauties, don't bother. You will be much happier and ten times less frustrated if you try to befriend a woman, or man for that matter, who isn't corrupted, who is just basically a decent human being. Well, thats the way I think of it anyway. Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: Radiohead - "Subterranean Homesick Alien" (Comment on this)
Monday, September 18th, 2000
7:41 pm	Solitude brings such strange mental manifestations Sooooooo, where are we? Another day at home, didnt' do anything really other than try to work on that History essay due soon. Its going really slowly but ah well. It'll get done. I went with Jeremy to like kill time basically. It wasnt that bad, I was most surprised to see that he is still afraid of his spark gun (that gun thing that you light your stove with.) weird stuff. Ah I am not too happy today at all, to say the least. I am waiting........waiting for that call, or msg that will tell me that all is well again..... I fear it is not coming for a few more days yet, which is no good, you know because it means a few more days of staying at home, doing very little, trying to study, this is bad, because it gives me waaaaaay to much time to dwell on things and be introspective which usually goes bad. Why oh why is it that everytime I like, think about things a lot they always get worse and worse inside my own head, instead of better and better? Is it just me or does this happen to everyone? Nevertheless, I have been way to introspective today and its getting colder.... I remember Sian was really annoyed when someone was complaining that life is hard, I can understand her annoyance I mean, I don't really see the point of going into a chatroom saying "Life is hard" obviously that person was after a little attention. But life is hard, for eveyone, and I don't mean the subjective "MY life is hard", but life itself, the act of being alive, that isn't easy, thats why people get so angry when their loved ones suicide, they are disappointed at them giving up so easily and opting for the easy way out. Dying is easy, but living sure can be a challenge. What does this have to do with anything at all? I have no idea, it was just something that occured to me just then. I really really really (X infinity) hope that certain people who are annoyed at me get over it soon, because worrying about life is a waste of life. This means that right now I am wasting my life. Because I am worrying about it. But then, arguably half the things we do are a waste of life. What I am doing right this second you could argue is a waste of life. The question is, who defines what "waste" is? Who is to say what is a good use of ones life and what isn't? Its a debatable point for sure. Wait worry waste, wait worry waste, wait worry waste. Fucken hell, if you listen to Radiohead for long enough I reakon it can bring you down no matter what, I seriously think that cd could depress anyone. Just put the fucker on repeat and watch the tears flow.... And there isnt much like Sunk Loto to totally change that mood. So. What happens now? I guess I will wait and wait and wait and maybe the tension will be broken and maybe it won't be.... I really hope it will be though, because there is no point whatsoever to two people who would (and do) otherwise love each other be at odds with one another. Who is right who is wrong? Technically, both and neither. Arguments such as these are so subjective that both are right. Which leads to absolute stalemates. I mean, it soon becomes apparant that such things are worthless and indeed the biggest wastes of life, because they are so damn pointless. What is the answer? The answer is that I really really hope this ends very very soon. Although reality tells me it probably won't. Reality kicks me in the teeth with these things every single damn time....... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Sunk Loto - "Make You Feel" (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 17th, 2000
7:28 pm	And if when I say I might fade like a sigh if I stay...... aaaaaaahhh, what a day what a day..... It was like a quiet house where only days previous someone had been visciously murdered, thats what my day was like. Calm, relaxed basically, uneventful on the outside, but I have not been so relaxed or calm on the inside, I have been really really introspective, actually. Hmm, how much should I divulge here? My English lecturer David told us about what is and isn't ethical to retell in an autobiography (or 'autobogfy' as he calls it). Its a debatable point. On the one hand, if one is retelling ones life he/she should be as factual as possible, especially if it helps the author to convey emotional material. The flipside to this is that the people being written about might not necesarily want made public their intimacies they shared with the author. What is the solution? Is there a happy medium? I don't know. Someone told me last night that every girl will try to make her boyfriend jealous.... Is this true? I doubt it very much, I mean, I know girls that wouldn't do that. But I was also told that, like, there is nothing vindictive or cruel about it when they are trying to do so, its just so the boy will make a fuss, therefore showing the girl what she means to him. Lets think about this for a second. Girl makes boy jealous so that he will yeild a positive reaction thus making girl feel better about herself. Is it me, or is this an entirely selfish thing to do? Satisfy the ego at the expense of the person you are supposed to love, feeling good? But, you know, thats JUST my opinion... I don't know, I think its a pretty negative thing to do, I mean there has to be far better ways to go about getting some kind of positivity from your man other than trying to make him jealous. It's like if I slap you are you going to compliment me in return? and if not why not???? well, think about it.... On some level reality has to kick in and we see that if you do something to make another person feel bad (regardless of whether you are trying to be vindictive or just so they will make you feel good in return) then the response just MAY not be exactly as you would like it... and if such a response isn't in your favour, is the other person to blame, really? Or should the finger of blame turn toward the one who was out to get affection at the expense of the others feelings? Is there ever really such a thing as GOOD jealousy? Thomas Hobbes really did get some things right, afterall.... Current Mood: cynical Current Music: "Creep" - Radiohead (Comment on this)
Friday, September 15th, 2000
5:23 pm	This is first entry OK, so, online journal, so whats goin on? Very little. on the net. chattin to people. Ah, I would be relaxed except I have so much work to do in the next two weeks.The olympics start today. I don't see why the olympics make people so vehemently angry, "I hate the olympics, I can't stand it" oh shut up you miserable pessimists, its just supposed to be fun after all, its like a big festival really, whats the big deal you gotta hate it so much??? AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!!!!!... come on man, you gotta have a little bit of pride for your country, why hate it? HATE it? In other news, I learned from Nick that Jeremy has to write a 2500 word essay this week ha! I can't wait to hear his thoughts on this, thats more than the sum total of words he wrote throghout high school. Good stuff. I wonder if Danny is ever going to reply to my email. I have to call Johnny and tell him about rehearsal this weekend. I have a tape with a new song on it for both him and Danny. I heard this song in a dream the other night and have been tryig to get it out ever since. That has only happend twice before, and they both turned into pretty good songs. One of which we still play. I wonder if there are any good movies out at the moment. Probably go see something with Vanessa this weekend, oh wait, ah who knows... well, this sure has been a flow of consciousness. I am sure as this goes on I will have something a lot more substantial to say, and more kind of like....readable? I guess we'll just have to wait and see. THanks goes to the Arctic Wolfe who told me about this online jounral business. Good stuff. Current Mood: bored Current Music: "Stinkfist" - TOOL - Skinny Puppy remix (Comment on this)